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May 27, 2013

Lady Love: The Key to a Fulfilling Sex Life After 60

Dear Lady Love,

I read your article on Secret Fantasies and was very surprised that this subject could be talked about so openly. I am a 62-year-old woman who never explored my sexuality the way I wanted to. Growing up, my mother gave me booklets from the Health Department explaining things such as menstruation and how babies were conceived but I didn’t learn to be confident enough with myself to be more sexually adventurous. I was married for 27 years to a man who was not very adventurous, either.

Now, I have been on my own for 10 years since my divorce and have made the decision to no longer allow my repressed upbringing to take charge of my life. I want a fulfilling sex life, but how do I get from here to there?

Past Sixty, Ready to Explore

 

Dear Past Sixty,

Believe it or not, seniors are having more and better sex these days. According to the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project of the University of Chicago, many people remain sexually active well into their 70s and 80s. Science and sex therapists also believe that a healthy sexual lifestyle promotes longevity.

Once a taboo subject, today being able to simply talk about sex is a healthy experience in itself.

The rules for sex after 60 aren’t that different for women of all ages. The essence is learning to please yourself in creative ways and the benefits of self-pleasure are similar to those experienced with a partner, without the closeness of a relationship, of course. But the self-enhancement, sense of well-being, exercise benefits, circulation, and help sleeping are all significant.

Considering that you have never been sexually adventurous in the past, but are interested in looking forward to sex long-term, you may want to get a little support. This is where a good sexual therapist can be incredibly helpful, especially if sex had previously only been seen as a method for procreation and hardly at all for play.

One reason a sexual therapist is essential is to help relieve the anxiety and shame many seniors have in talking about sex. Another is simply to learn specific techniques to awaken the sexual goddess within. It’s an important first step, simple to take the opportunity to talk about any issues or problems that have gotten in the way in the past. And realize it’s time take charge of your sex life in order to enjoy a fulfilling connection with your body and your partner.

We spoke with Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt about the ways women over 60 can embrace their sacred erotic nature and attract the type of love and attention they crave.

Pratt believes that sex after 60 can only get better and better. “First off, you need to give yourself permission to enjoy your sex life. What other people say doesn’t matter. Follow what brings you the most joy and gives you the most pleasure. Not just sexually, but everything! Men are attracted to magnetic women,” she explains.

According to Pratt, “juicy” women are capable of attracting men who not only want to please you but take care of you as well. “Crunchy, dry” women only attract men who don’t have great sex lives. She encourages women to do whatever brings them the MOST pleasure–whether it be dancing, buying some new, fun sex toys, gardening, baking a delicious apple cobbler, or shopping. Also going places and doing things where there are men who are still sexually interested, such as personal growth seminars about sexuality and tantra groups will enhance your magnetism to a sensual man.

“Be active and inviting to men doing things you love to do!” Pratt says excitedly. “Then you’ll attract them like bees to honey. You’ll be a breath of fresh air for any man when you learn to be a woman who is confident in her sexuality. It’s a very attractive quality to a man.”

It’s important to note that there are many men out there who are currently going through their mid-life crisis’ a little late and are looking to hook-up with 20-somethings. These are not the type of men you want to look for. Removing your attention from them, you open up yourself to the sexually confident, wise, and explorative goddess you are.

“I have lots of older male clients who love older, confident, sexually adventurous women who know how to receive love. Women in their 30′s or 40′s are all work, work, work and don’t know how to receive a compliment or let someone open the door for them,” says Pratt. “Men love appreciative women. It doesn’t have anything to do with age.” Since a lot of younger women aren’t so good at that, you’ve got an advantage – you’re in receptive mode.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you’re weak. It actually means that you’re stronger than ever because it truly takes courage to be vulnerable and want to be adventurous. “It doesn’t take any courage to shut yourself down and figure out your sexual desires on your own,” Pratt says. “It will only make you exhausted. If we can’t be vulnerable with ourselves, how can we be vulnerable with another? Inside of every woman is a goddess, but there’s also a scared little girl, too.”

It seems we judge ourselves too often, especially when we’re always trying to fix ourselves. So it’s valuable to remember that being comfortable about your sex life, as well as being active, is key to a long, happy life.

And while sex after 60 can be amazing, it should be safe as well. Pratt recommends that seniors practice safe sex, even though you’re no longer a teenager–STD’s don’t  know how old you are.

 

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